I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He did a backflip because drugs
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
