So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
