How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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