According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
