Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
