I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
