you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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