your room smells of hookers.
And success
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
