Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
