ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
