i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
