Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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