I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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