This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
