do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She even gives head with a lisp.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
