then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
