I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize