the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
