we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
