She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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