At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
