Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize