and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
