Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
