I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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