Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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