i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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