Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
