I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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