DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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