No, you can still breathe under the balls.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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