PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
