I accidentally had phone sex last night
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
