eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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