My nipple is on Facebook.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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