You work out of a Hotel?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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