I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
