Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
