Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
