i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize