When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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