too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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