Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize