you guys were way drunker than both of me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
