I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
