Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
