just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
