You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
