I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
