Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Randomize