Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
