The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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