There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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