I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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