im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Found the puke drawer
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
