Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
