youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
