I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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