I feel like I'm in dance class right now
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
