If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
