I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
