Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
