If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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