my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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