your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
