She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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