Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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