So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
