We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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