She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
