If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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