I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
