I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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