They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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