I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
