I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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