I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
