At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
