I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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