How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
