All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
