whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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