the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
