I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
