I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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