I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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