Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
