ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
