I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
