I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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