Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
