My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
