So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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