so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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