no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
