Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
