I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
