He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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