I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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