I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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