remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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