he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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