8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
