worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
